My roommate and I don’t have a good relationship.
That’s not to say we have a bad relationship.
We’ve lived together for almost a year, yet somehow we don’t have a relationship at all.
Every time my roommate sees me, he runs away.
It’s my ideal living situation.
After several months of vigorous non-discussion, I began to suspect my roommate might not be very fond of me. Then, to protect my ego, I began to suspect he was a ghost.
At first it was a joke, but like most jokes, the longer it percolated in my mind, the less funny it became. If my roommate was genuinely a ghost, then his refusal to speak to me or look me in the eyes or acknowledge the fact that I lived ten feet away from him had less to do with my social skills and more to do with his ephemeral statues.
Last week, my roommate left. He didn’t say goodbye, but he did leave a bunch of paperwork he was supposed to do.
While filling out his notice of vacancy form and sliding his keys into an envelope, I realized there was actually no substantial evidence that he existed at all. I never even got his phone number. Was it possible that my roommate was just a figment I invented to make my apartment less lonely?
I thought about existence for a long time. For most of us, a couple hundred years after we die, it’ll be like we never existed at all.
For a few days, I was melancholy. Then I realized I was still only paying half the rent. So, if my roommate didn’t exist, that means I’m kind of a genius.
Have a nice summer everyone.
~Fin
Waiting for Satan 
Ha. Adorable and immensely entertaining, as usual. I had a friend freshman year who claimed to have a roommate, but I never saw the guy for six months. We assumed he was a figment of the friend’s imagination, until, to my surprise, the roommate actually answered the door to their room once. It was shocking.
Maybe some cities plant ghosts in apartments in order to inflate their population.
That’s clearly the logical explanation. I concur.
Absentee roommates were the best roommates, especially when they went home to a girlfriend every weekend…
It was somewhat less fun after they got dumped. Be glad you missed that drama.
I am glad.
Smart and sassy. Good piece of work. Kudos to you and your roommate.
Sassy
I love your work so much. Please keep writing!
Yes, my Queen.
This is fabulously funny. I laughed out loud for a good amount of time. I’m keeping this one!. By the way, how do you understand my marriage so well? Hahaha
Because I’m your husband. When is dinner tonight?
i thinkl I want to be a ghost roommate. Sounds private. 🙂
I love it! and the illustrations take it to an even higher level of awesomeness. great work!
Thank you.
Any frowns or troubles throughout my day are replaced with smiles and laughter after reading your posts and seeing your illustrations. Thank you for such awesome entertainment!
Sounds like you had the perfect roomie, sorry for your loss
Thanks for making me laugh today. Such a wonderful blog you have, I do hope you continue with these posts they are highly entertaining.
I am following your blog, although I am highly suspicious about the reason for the attraction. It may be because I was able to read it in its entirety (most blogs lose me by the second sentence) which is a testament to your creativity which is of course a product of your intelligence.
Or it could be your character’s arms; I find them Intriguing.
I will continue to read you and yes that is a double entendre.
Ghost roommates get out of a lot of responsibilities that are just shifted back onto the human roommates. I didn’t really like having them.