Dealing with Emotions Again

For maybe two years, I was in a state of depression. Within that span there were moments of darkness and clarity, but the overall state was always present.

bad day good day

I think it is difficult to deal with people in this state because a depressed person is often indistinguishable from an uncaring person.

1

I often assumed a blank persona, not because I didn’t care about what the other person thought or felt, but because I was unable to access the proper emotion.

2

When faced with this situation, I often felt obligated to mimic logically the societaly-accepted emotional response.

3 4 5 6

The performance worked if the other person was too narcissistic to notice other’s reactions, but if they were hoping to form a genuine connection, even my best acting came across as condescending.

7 8 9 10 11

Social situations turned into situations with only negative consequences, and so I succumbed to the neutral settlement of no interaction at all. It felt logical to forgo society all together, leaving what relationships I had at a distant but undamaged state.

loneliness robot

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I’ve lost some friends, but I’m doing okay.

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~Fin

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21 thoughts on “Dealing with Emotions Again

    • Thanks, Nancy. you’re comments are always very kind. I’m actually doing okay right now, but It’s a day-to-day thing. Thank you very much for all your comments.

  1. This really brought to light some of the things that happened, but just know that you haven’t lost me as a friend. Your honesty makes me feel like I’m getting to know you all over again 😃

    • Me too Bec, but at the same time, I understand that its really difficult to comprehend the state if you haven’t felt it before. I mean, on my good days I’ll often look back on my depressive states and feel a little beguiled, like “what’s was that guy DOING?” Thanks for commenting.

      • I understand that, but the prejudice is terrible against mental health issues. It’s just awful. And no worries, I love your blog. It’s so brave

  2. now i want to give you a hug.
    this is…really strong.
    and well communicated.
    thank you for sharing.
    (sorry if i sound like a dork. i might be a dork. but i am a sincere dork.)

  3. Constant depression is a state no-one wants to enter. Believe it or not, I am also there very frequently. I have empathy, I relate and please know that my heart and mind are always with you. Also know that you will survive–look at me —I made it to almost 76. Love you Q-man!

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