Dealing with Emotions Again

For maybe two years, I was in a state of depression. Within that span there were moments of darkness and clarity, but the overall state was always present.

bad day good day

I think it is difficult to deal with people in this state because a depressed person is often indistinguishable from an uncaring person.

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I often assumed a blank persona, not because I didn’t care about what the other person thought or felt, but because I was unable to access the proper emotion.

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When faced with this situation, I often felt obligated to mimic logically the societaly-accepted emotional response.

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The performance worked if the other person was too narcissistic to notice other’s reactions, but if they were hoping to form a genuine connection, even my best acting came across as condescending.

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Social situations turned into situations with only negative consequences, and so I succumbed to the neutral settlement of no interaction at all. It felt logical to forgo society all together, leaving what relationships I had at a distant but undamaged state.

loneliness robot

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I’ve lost some friends, but I’m doing okay.

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~Fin