Sometimes in my line of work, I end up yelling at people. Not that yelling is technically in the job description. I’m not a foreman or middle-manager, where yelling is essentially your defining characteristic (that, and a deep-seated sorrow, although that’s something I do have, thank you very much.)
If I were in a job that requires me to be exploitative, like a congress-human (note the gender-neutralization – I’m very inclusive) or if I was the president, I think my yelling might be justified. The president has to spend all day of his or her day trying to wrangle in a slithering herd of psychopaths and liars, hoping to milk their venom into something semi-useful. If you’re a congress-human, you’re a snake who spends all day yelling about how everyone else is probably a snake. If the president yells, everyone pays attention because it probably means China has finally decided to invade using their perfectly synchronized gymnast-girls. If congress-humans yell, it means they’re just trying to fit in. Yelling in the case of both of these professions would be considered appropriate.
When I get passionate about something, I don’t speak.
I pontificate.
A paper isn’t bad, it’s an opaque mess of troglodytic drivel.
A performance isn’t unsatisfactory, it’s sub-par to the point of non-existence.
An idea isn’t poor, it’s an insult to the intelligence of every organism born over three-minutes ago.
Needless to say, this hurts people feeling beyond the recommended threshold for not receiving murderous glares. If I was a politician, this kind of dense yet vague criticism would not only be encouraged, it would be essential.
I, however, do not have a job in politics. Many people say I don’t have a job at all.
What is it exactly?
Sit down and I’ll tell you, friend.
What I have is an internship at a research journal.
To what does that entail, exactly? To put it in Layman’s terms (Larry Layman – a dumb guy I know):
I provide an outlet for cocksure nerds to publish their thoughts regarding schoolwork. Also I hurt people’s feelings during meetings.
It’s a tough job, but some has to be unpaid to do it.
~Fin
Waiting for Satan 
I don’t have pet peeves, I have major psychotic hatreds. – George Carlin
Seems you thing on the same levels as he did, rest his soul. Take that for the compliment or insult as you will.
Brilliant. Thank you. Best thing I have read so far.
Brilliant. I think I may have already said this but I really enjoyed this. Thank you.
They say people don’t see the world the way it is, they see the world the way they are. So, it follows that they can’t love the world anymore than they love themselves. Or respect it. Or enjoy it. Or elevate it. Or….
I’m starting to get a handle your deep-seated sorrow.
It’s always good to get things off your chest otherwise you might end up ranting on a public forum in a dodgy toga
Awesome! And congrats on getting Freshly Pressed 🙂
It is easier to control intead of yell 😉 , you are going to like my blog (category influence people) , quintilluspollux.wordpress.com
Your optimism is like a breath of fresh landfill stank. Keep up the good work. I mean it, that’s a compliment.
hahhaa this is really good ! So funny !!
Love it!
I love that you can yell and people (is that generic?) can’t be sure if they’ve been yelled at or not, since your words are SO BIG and so well put together. Good on ya! The deep-seated sorrow I can’t speak to since I haven’t gotten in touch with that side of my psyche yet. Keep up the good work.
I would stay away from the deep-seated sorrow part of your psyche. Otherwise you’ll just end up writing blogs post and crappy pictures all day.
I never yelled at anyone in the workplace, but looking back, there were those who deserved it. I did yell at a real estate agent once. I’d given him earnest money, the deal went bad, and he was delaying giving me back the money he owed me. Yelling turned out to be very effective in that instance. So maybe there is a time and place for public yelling.
It must be used sparingly or it loses all power.
Our drawings are so similar. It looks like me on Microsoft Paint.
It is.
It’s gratifying to know I’m not alone.
Reblogged this on emmadol's Blog.
“The president has to spend all day of his or her day trying to wrangle in a slithering herd of psychopaths and liars, hoping to milk their venom into something semi-useful.” That’s kinda my job description but I’m not in politics and I never yell.
As a big emotional weenie, and someone who definitely could do with some more proper fact checking, I don’t know if I could handle being one of the Nerds who was yelled at by you. However, that does not take away from the immense joys I got from reading this.
This was such a fun read! You remind me of the oatmeal =D
yup, this was me today – i just couldn’t take the navel-gazing tomfoolery any longer. sigh.
So the whole premise of this piece was to bad mouth your internship position and equate your position to that of your American President?
Perhaps you should invest your time on a position you’d prefer and allow another person who would be truly grateful of an internship position to take over.
If your biggest aggravation is ‘cocksure nerds’ then you may wish to re-evaluate your threshold of annoyance. After all, you could just as well be taking orders at your local Mcdonalds.
Reblogged this on urosdj11.
Good one!
Loved this
You sound a bit stressed. Breathe in for 7, breathe out for 11. It will relax you…
Those prime numbers are stressing me out
–If someone yells long enough and loud enough it’s gotta be true – See Fox News for details
Thanks, Obama.
China’s invading with gymnasts…brilliant!
I think yelling sometimes is a necessity, human act very likely to animals, if you don’t show the power, people will take the advantage of you (or eat you in the animal world)
Deep down, I usually suspect my friends are planning to eat me.
haha!
Funny! I really enjoyed reading it
Reblogged this on My Personal, Professional and Spiritual Development Review Blog.
Well written article, the doodles added to the hilarity of the piece.
Winston Churchill said, “Tact is telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they actually look forward to the trip.” Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed.
Thanks. Churchill has some damn good advice.
check out my blog,healthy rice and meatball recipe for you guys
Okay, fine.
Reblogged this on tatiboo25.
Reblogged this on .
I really enjoy you’re blog. I am 15 and I aspire to become a screenwriter/ director. I post regularly but I have only just started so I have not got very many followers. Could you please read my blog and give feedback in comments section? Writing is my passion. And being heard is too. Can you share me if you like the blog and only if you like the blog. Thank you.
Ok, so I get the feeling this is something you post indiscriminately, but I decided to take a look anyway because I remember what it felt like to be 15. Right now, I’m guessing what you want more than anything is to get as many followers as possible. You feel like this will legitimize your work, and prove that you’re not just some kid messing around, but a serious writer.
Don’t try to be a serious writer. Just write.
Seriously, work on completing something from start to finish, even if your screenplay is only ten pages, write the complete ten pages.
Don’t write about things you think are dramatic or serious. Write about what’s important to you right now.
Right now, all I saw on your blog is an incomplete synopsis for a potential screenplay, which you claim to have copyrighted. Never mind that all writing is immediately protected under copyright law; I suspect this is an attempt to make your work appear more credible. Don’t bother with this. No one is going to steal your idea. You’ll have a much harder time just getting someone to listen to your idea. Focus on creating work people will be drawn to, not building walls around incomplete work.
Most importantly, don’t try to outsmart people. People who do this are transparent and shallow. Just be honest. Honesty is the only power an individual has. You can always tell the experience of a writer by how much they value ideas. Ideas are cheap. If you think your idea is original, that just means you haven’t done enough research yet. Everyone has ideas. Not everyone will turn them into a story.
Just keep writing.
Thank you very much for your response. Your feedback is very helpful and I will apply it.
The short film I wrote was influenced by things that are important to me. Im currently writing Comaworld because I just can’t stop. I really enjoy writing about things I would do if I was in this situation. I started off not wanting to write it because I thought it would be too hard but I was taught that creative people break boundaries.
If I decided to stop writing this, it would haunt me for a very long time.
The synopsis isn’t as accurate anymore as I have changed many things but the basic plot is the same structure.
Thank you for believing in me and thank you for feeling the need to give me some advice to help me go in the right direction.
Funny post.
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Reblogged this on zeenablid18.
Reblogged this on nunniie's Blog.
hahahhaa 🙂 reminds me of a colleague of mine who used to describe a certain number of our workmates as ‘marginally better than a vacancy.’
He sounds like a jerk.
he was kinda right though 🙂
Reblogged this on gillvince and commented:
funny. nice doodling
Thanks.
At first, I thought it was simply a rant. then I saw the substance.
Nicely done.
Thank you 🙂
I loved this post. Thanks for sharing!
You’re welcome.
I literally laughed out loud at Larry Layman — a dumb guy I know. Love the dry wit and honesty. Well done, looking forward to more, unless this internship burns you out!
I’ll survive.
an read another text .
It was so fun reading it !! 🙂
The amount of anger in this piece is just too much…. i love it.
And loved all the no racial and sexual thing, gave me a small laugh.
And screaming is good, i love screaming
me too.
Funny. Love your satirical voice!
Thanks.
Yelling never gets a point across, it just amplifys the volume of your point. Be very sure what your tirade says is accurate and not over embelished or you can just make yourself into a loud pratt. That said it’s a good article. Funny but somehow within your writing I can tell you can do better. Keep writing & drawing!
Okay.
Why shouldn’t you yell – or rather why should others expect you not to. Given the level of irritation others are causing you they should be grateful that you didn’t bludgeon them to death with any available piece of office equipment….
Thanks for the justification.
Truthfully, I find that it works sometimes. The other day I went to a bank: There were around 20 persons in line, and 6 working tellers.
But the line was not moving; when I looked around two persons were conversing with friends or relatives at the window. I raised my voice talking to friend and said, “Don’t you see why this bank is losing money. Customers are waiting, but the workers are all fooling around”” (repeat 3 times, louder each time). Managers came in droves, and the line moved swiftly.
It’s a dangerous power. You have to use it sparingly, or people won’t take you seriously.
Let me know when I can send my article through for consideration. 😉
Okay. Please let me know what I’m considering it for.